Matters of the Heart
by Private Fire
Summary: For Doritos. Takes place after The Promise and The Search. What becomes of Maiko? (Mai and Zuko.)
1. Admissions

**Author's Notes: **

For Doritos1996, an extremely late birthday present/an early Christmas present.

Thank you Al, for suffering my constant re-writes.

Disclaimers: I do not own A: TLA.

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**Matters of the Heart**

**Chapter 1 – Admissions **

He missed her.

He would push her from his thoughts and kept himself as busy as possible so as not to feel the void in his life. There was plenty to attend to. Days would pass, one after the other, without his hesitating at the sight of alabaster and ebony, or at the way light would gleam off metal as it often had when she let her blades fly. He would focus on the matters at hand; matters of the realm. There was little time for anything else.

It was different at night. At times sleep would elude him. His thoughts would wander taking a course through the day's events, touching on what tomorrow may bring, but somehow, inevitably, they would always turn to her. When he managed to sleep he'd dream of her. She'd frown. She'd hide behind her bangs. She'd walk away from him again and his heart would break once more.

It was going on two months; not that he was counting. The Minister of Education had been scheduled for a follow up audience to report the progress made on the new initiative. Upon seeing him, he recalled a droll comment she had made when the minister was there last. Zuko smiled now as he did then. Her responding smirk was clear in his mind as if she was standing next to him. Immediately a deep frown creased his face. He realized his mistake and knew he was doomed. Thoughts of Mai had finally penetrated his daytime defenses. Memories of her implored his attention.

His forced concentration on the proceedings made him appear stiff and mechanical. He nodded at appropriate moments and uttered single words sentences: "Good." "Why?" "Explain." The Fire Lord did his best to follow the issues debated, but failed. He was distracted by the mention of the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. A smile threatened his lips at the memory of a young Mai, book in hand, complaining about how dull school was.

Deafening silence called him back to the present. All eyes were directed at their sovereign. Painfully, it dawned on him that he had missed an entire exchange. Those gathered were patiently awaiting a response. Careful to hide his mortification at being caught daydreaming, Zuko recovered his composure. Head high, the Fire Lord stared them down and admonished the assembly for wasting his time. It was clear that a consensus could not be reached with the parties still so far apart. An adjournment was called – they would not reconvene till all were ready to compromise.

Things got harder after that.

Zuko would easily grow irritable. There were times when he didn't even have the patience for anyone to do his topknot and it seemed that there was no one at the palace who could get his crown to sit just right.

Everything the servants brought him was wrong. "Where are the fruit tarts?" "You call this tea?" They begged forgiveness for the oversight. They thought the fruit tarts were her _Ladyship's_ favorite and they politely insisted that tea was the same as always. "Perhaps your Majesty would like something else?" Frustrated, he'd dismiss them. When fruit tarts were served with his next meal Zuko openly stared at them, momentarily distressed. He signaled for everything to be taken away, mumbling something about losing his appetite.

He was in a fog for days and tried desperately to regain some semblance of the normalcy he had before. In the beginning it was the mess of Yu Dao and its repercussions that had kept him moving forward. Almost immediately thereafter it had been the search for his mother. Upon his return there were never ending duties and responsibilities which were his as ruler of the Fire Nation. Stressful and overwhelming as it was, he was grateful for it. He would wholeheartedly immerse himself in it, deriving a sense of satisfaction from a hard day's work. Now, he didn't even have that.

Mai was everywhere and nowhere. She was the light fragrance that scented the air, the smirk on a stranger's face, the roll of the eyes on another. Unexpected sarcastic comments would pop into his head, all spoken in a raspy seductive voice.

He'd walk the halls of the palace, every time taking a new path in the hopes that he'd find something new to spark his interest. Each time, he'd find himself back at the garden; the one which held a mixture of good and bad memories. Once − it seemed so long ago − he had thought that he and Mai would create new memories, happy times to recollect for years to come. The turtleducks, the apple tree, the fountain . . . . There was nothing there to comfort him. Feeling lost, he'd turn around and return to work. The next day repeated itself in similar fashion; as did the next.

Something had to give.

Night fell once more. He paced his bedroom chamber. His conscious, vicious in its persistent nagging, demanded his attention. There would be no escape tonight. The situation had come to a head. He could no longer give it a cursory thought and shove it unresolved to the recess of his mind.

Being Fire Lord was not easy. He never thought it would be, but he had never dreamed it would be this hard. The long days, the constant demands, the assassination attempts; every time something went right, three things went wrong. Trying to do the right thing meant that somewhere down the road he was at the brink of another confrontation. It seemed everyone was against him. His own council did not understand what he was trying to do. He was battling tradition, his family history and his own mistakes. It was endless.

_When she decided she had had enough, she left me. _

Eyes shut tight. Forefinger and thumb of his right hand pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to go over it again. He had told himself that she was free to do as she wished. He had no hold on her. In his desperation he had ordered her to stay. He was still beating himself up for that. No doubt his blunder had only served to solidify her resolve. Not that it had mattered anyway. She hadn't hesitated. Her mind was made up.

"Goodbye, Fire Lord." Her last words to him still resonated in his ears.

_What's the matter with me? Why does everyone I care about have to go away: mother, uncle, and now Mai? _

He resisted the temptation to wallow in anguish − he was not to ready to let go the façade he worked so hard to create. He tried again to see things for what they were.

_Mother and uncle are fine. They are both happy with their lives and where they are now. Maybe Mai is too. _

That was where he would leave it. He had rationalized that it was better this way. He had no time for her. She was better off without him. His path had never been easy and it only seemed to get harder as he got older. Dreams would crumble; efforts would reap failure. He was destined to struggle. It was part of his legacy − the dark and the light bequeath him from the joining of two bloodlines. The dichotomy was woven into his soul.

She deserved better and when she walked out, he let her go.

But he missed her!

He ached for her: the sound of her voice, the scent of her hair, the smile she gave only him, the rare sound of her laughter, her mere proximity. He had kept it all at bay till now. Besieged by truth he could no longer deny, he had no choice but to ride out the storm which thoughts of Mai brought and caused his heart to despair.

_After all we have been through, she left me. _ _She left me! _

He shook his head. Stirrings of resentment he had held in check from the beginning surfaced violently.

_She told __**me**__ not to break up with her! I didn't! I wasn't going to! _

_I thought we were fine. I __**was**__ going to tell her. I didn't have enough time. Everything was happening so fast. _

_I thought . . . I thought . . . . What did I think? _

Agitation building, he turned briskly and commenced his march from the window towards the door.

_It doesn't matter, _he told himself. _She's gone. __**She**__ left me! __**She**_ . . . .

Fists clenched and unclenched. He was letting his pain get the better of him. Mai had cautioned him about it. She would not want him to lose control. He decreased his step and made a conscious effort to quiet himself.

_If she doesn't want me, doesn't love me . . . . _

A sudden wave of emotion hit him. His insides knotted and breathing was near impossible. The very notion of her not wanting him was like poison to his soul, a knife through his heart.

_Silver sandwich; focus on the positive. The positive . . . . _He forced a deep breath. _I've survived worse. _

_There are other girls. One day . . . maybe . . . . _

It rang of self deceit.

_One day what? I'll find another? Another girl like her? Another who will accept me for who I am? Who will love me for me? Flaws and all? Oh, Agni! _

He was tired; tired of ignoring the issue, tired of fighting to keep Mai from his thoughts. Defeated, he sat on the bed, let his shoulders fall and dropped his head into his hands. A moment later he fell backwards unto the mattress. He lay there staring up at the crimson canopy for a long time, sifting through memories; trying to make sense of things. After a time, he was able to think again.

_Mai isn't one for rash action. She is practical, a realist. She thinks things through. She weighs things and assigns them value. It is simple: she either cares about something or she doesn't. Above all she had cared for me. She never spoke the words, but I know she loved me. Her actions proved it. She cared for me passionately. _

_But . . . she left me. _

_I messed things up. There's no excuse. I had caused this. The warning signs were there. I was too busy to take note of them, too weary to stop and make time for her. _

_Who wants a boyfriend who is never around? _

He closed his eyes again as if that would block out the pain. He had to face the truth. He had been too careless and too stupid to keep her from leaving.

_She had her reasons. Maybe she's happier now. _

Tears flowed freely, the first he had allowed himself to cry over Mai. He lay there staring up at the canopy till sleep claimed him.

Morning came and brought along with it the usual routine. Zuko carried on about his business as was to be expected, but he no longer fought Mai's memory, or denied his pain over losing her. He told himself that it would fade in time. She had made her decision and he would honor it. Part of him wondered why it took her so long to leave. It was best for her. She deserved better than him and he would let her find it because he loved her. He would carry on without her. He had to. He had no choice.

Still, he missed her.

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**Author's Notes: **

Stay tuned for Mai's chapter.


	2. Reason Cannot Understand

**Author's Notes: **

Dear readers, thank you for reading, following, "favoriting" (hey, it's a verb now), and for reviewing.

Al, your help is immeasurable. Thank you!

For Doritos, Καλά Χριστούγεννα!

**Disclaimer**: A: TLA is not mine.

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**Matters of the Heart**

**Chapter 2 – Reason Cannot Understand **

Mai had come to the conclusion that working at a flower shop hadn't been the best of ideas. Auntie Mura, a genuinely optimistic and nurturing woman, had meant well by giving her the job and she _had_ needed something to occupy her time. However, her Auntie's ulterior motive had failed miserably. Being surrounded by flowers only served to depress Mai, not cheer her up. Flowers were for birthdays, anniversaries, and weddings − celebrations of joyful moments in life. They were given as expressions of love and affection. Working with said tokens often and unexpectedly triggered memories of Zuko, as they did now.

The spray of orange flowers Mai was working with had set off a succession of thoughts which took her back to the day of their picnic.

_"Orange is such an awful color." _

He had laughed._ "You're so beautiful when you hate the world." _

"_I don't hate you." _

"_I don't hate you, too." _Then they had kissed.

Mai's eyes closed. She let go a heavy sigh and tilted her head forward so that her bangs obscured all but her frown.

_It's going to be one of those days_, she thought grimly.

The tone had been set first thing in the morning by the cooler temperatures. Her thought upon waking had been of Zuko, how his body would radiate heat and how good it had felt to snuggle in his embrace. She had sobered quickly, irritated at how effortlessly he had slipped into her conscious. She had risen to face the day with a frown.

It was half past eleven. The women had been doing non-stop business at the shop; taking and filling orders since they opened. The wedding season had begun. Everyone wanted an autumn wedding in the hopes of having a summer baby. Mai thought she would choke on the parade of patrons intoxicated on their dreams. She swore they out-did Ty Lee in cheerfulness.

Behind her, Auntie Mura was dealing with customers. Their conversation grated on Mai's nerves and further soured her disposition. Two brides-to-be were going on and on about the details of their weddings.

_Oh joy! Who would have thought − something even more nauseating than orange. _

Her aunt didn't seem to mind a bit. In fact, every time there was a lull in their conference, her aunt would prompt them with a string of questions, earning her a roll of the eyes from Mai. She loved her Auntie dearly, but if she insisted in prolonging the torture Mai would be forced to take matters into her own hands; she'd pull out her knives and "deal" with the situation. Her frown metamorphosed into a wicked grin as the fantasy played out in her head.

The small indulgence satisfied, Mai tried to refocus her attention on the orange blooms, but couldn't quite manage it. The part of her which missed Zuko refused to comply. She wondered why he came to mind so easily today. Her subconscious offered an answer by way of a remembrance: "_So, does this mean you don't hate me anymore?" _

As sure as one breath follows another, her response was recalled instantly from memory, _"I think it means, I actually kind of like you." _

The young woman groaned inwardly and mentally shook the scene away. She was doing it again: involuntarily allowing him a voice inside her head, initiating a dialogue which threatened her efforts to keep him out.

She looked down at her work.

_Damn! _ Even now, he continued to mess her up.

"_I know I keep screwing up. . . ." _

_I'm not mad at you! I'm mad at me. _She studied the flowers. She had made a mistake. She had cut the last three stems shorter than she was supposed to; all because she had been thinking of him instead of concentrating on what she was doing.

"Are you alright, dear?"

_What . . . ? _Mai was surprised to see her aunt standing next to her and to find that the customers were gone.

_How did I miss that? _ The answer was obvious enough. _ Ugh! Zuko. _

"Yes, Auntie," she replied flatly.

Mura thought otherwise, but didn't press the matter. She was becoming accustomed to her niece's moods and was learning how to read them. Mai had been in a funk since she had arrived over six weeks ago. The older woman had been trying to lift her spirits ever since. Mura had a plan and was eager to implement it.

She spoke as she moved through the shop, tiding up and gathering her things. "I think we'll close for lunch a bit early. Better to disappoint a few customers and be out a few orders than to be late. She wouldn't appreciate that." She smiled as she said it and flashed her niece a knowing look. "I should be back in time to help in the afternoon. I'll slip out the back."

She flipped the sign on the front door from "Open" to "Closed," then made her way back to Mai. She paused and smiled warmly at her, kind eyes gently inviting her to open up and talk.

Mai remained reticent.

"Are you sure you won't come? I'm certain your mother would love to see you."

"I'm sure."

"Alright then. Rest. Get something to eat. Or, better yet, go out and enjoy the day! I'll open when I get back. If all goes well, I'll bring Tom Tom back with me. Perhaps she'll let us keep him for the weekend. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Mention of her little brother elicited a genuine smile from Mai. Mura was glad for that and left the shop in good spirits, confident that Tom Tom and his youthful exuberance was exactly what Mai needed.

Once she had gone, Mai's smile disappeared.

Hungry, she thought of the noodle shop nearby, but quickly dismissed it. She didn't think she could tolerate anyone in the mood she was in. That left her one course of action. She climbed the flight of steps to the upstairs apartment. Once in the kitchen, she began to prepare a light meal.

She paused a moment before lighting a flame to boil water for tea. She glared at the flint rocks in her hand as if warning them not to mess with her. Success: fire sprang into existence with no unbidden thoughts or memories of 'you-know-who.' That done, she deposited herself into a nearby chair and watched the flames dance and lick the pot. The hypnotic effect of the flame relaxed her and she calmly contemplated her current dilemma.

She thought that she had closed the chapter in her life which had been Zuko when the throne room's heavy blood red curtains had swung shut behind her. But it had not been that simple. Nothing with Zuko ever was. She had expected to think of him from time to time. She even expected to have moments when she would have to compose herself. What she did not expect was that these moments would increase in number instead of decrease.

_It started with Kei Lo and the fiasco with father._

The New Ozai Society had prompted a renewed concern for Zuko. It remained even after Suki's investigation had confirmed her own suspicions that the small chapter was all there was to that particular threat. Whatever recruits there had been had scattered soon after an increased number of firbender patrols loyal to Zuko had appeared in the streets. Her father's rebellion had ended when his spirit had broken. His group was no match for his daughter, what good would they be against firebenders?

For a while Mai had remained vigilante, arguing that her preoccupation centered on his safety. She did not doubt that there were others out there who meant Zuko harm. Whatever else he may have been to her, he was the Fire Lord, her sovereign. His welfare was paramount. Still, it didn't take her long to drop the charade. There would always be danger. There would always be threats against him. He wasn't her responsibility.

_For now at least, he has the Kyoshi Warriors for protection. I trust them with his life. _

_So, if it is not his safety what is it that keeps pulling me back into that vortex he creates? _

The little voice in her head, the one ready with a snarky remark or with the cold hard truth, kept quiet. Like Mai, it wasn't ready to recognize the answer.

She picked at a piece of mooncake, the taste of it transporting her back to Uncle Iroh's tea shop.

_Simpler times . . . . _

_Imagine that. Growing up was like a trial by fire. Yet by comparison, life seemed so uncomplicated. _

When she was young, all she had to do was avoid her mother's scolding, avoid Azula's traps, and avoid blushing at the thought, or sight, of a certain handsome young Prince. The last one had been the hardest. It seemed everything concerning the Prince was hard.

_And it only got worse after he had become Fire Lord. _

Her frown returned and the little voice spoke up.

_Why then should leaving him behind be easy? _

_Did you expect to stop feeling for him just like that? No? _

_It's never going to be easy. He is the Fire Lord and you are in the Fire Nation. Everything is about him. Everyone is going to talk about him. You can't get away from that. _

_Are you going to jump every time someone speaks against him? Threatens him harm? Oh? _

_Well, you can't! You have to start living your life and he is no longer a part of it. Do you hear me? _

Mai sighed.

_If only I could put some distance between us. Not physical distance, but time. I just need to survive this. I did it before. I can do this. _

She recalled her grief for the loss of a boy whose world had been turned upside down, sent out on his own, disgraced, without any real hope of ever redeeming himself and returning home. It had been stifled, but she had grieved. Underneath the façade, a performance for the benefit of the Princess and her mother, Mai had hurt. But she had learned that her mother had been telling the truth: practice did indeed make perfect. Keeping neutral, hiding thoughts and feelings from Azula, her parents and anyone who had written the Prince off had become easier with practice. There were even times when Mai had appreciated her mother's lessons on 'how to be a lady.' She had learned how to carry on in spite of any turmoil within. It was what had kept Mai going; what saved her from the chaos that was an impressionable child's first feelings of infatuation and then loss. After all, what were the chances of Zuko ever returning? Hoping and dreaming wouldn't bring him back. No one seemed to care. Why should she? She had grown numb, indifferent. She had survived and she had grown stronger.

_So what's different now? _

_Easy,_ responded the little voice_. Your parents, Azula, they are no longer part of the equation. You don't have to hide anymore. You are free to feel anything and everything – to hell with everyone else. You are the only one holding you back now. _

_Also, you're now with Auntie Mura. It's nothing like being at home. She's warm and caring − so unlike mom and dad. _

_You should be happy. You're free now. Free of mother and father. Free of Azula, the palace . . . even Zuko. Free of the scrutiny you suffered for being with him. Free of the fear and the worry you felt for him. Free of the havoc he would wreak on you. Face it. When all is said and done, he is more dangerous than Azula ever was. _

Mai agreed,_ to me at least. _

The subject of a dangerous Azula reminded her how much had changed and how much Mai felt out of touch with Zuko. When she had communicated the threat of the New Ozai Society to Suki, she had learned that upon Zuko's return from the conference in Yu Dao, he planned to search for his mother with his crazy sister in tow. The news had brought Mai to a new low. It was a punch in the gut and a reaffirmation that she had done the right thing. She had congratulated herself for getting out before it was too late, before reaching the point where she could not break away.

A profound sadness sprang to life inside her.

_I really don't know you, do I? You let go of me, but embrace Ozai and Azula. _

Her body shook with emotion. Tears formed and threatened to fall. This was the closest she had been to despair since she had seen him last.

A reprieve arrived with a hiss from the stove top. Water was boiling over and splashing on the fire below. She wiped the tears from her eyes and got up to remedy the problem. She chastised herself as she made her tea.

_I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I will not cry for him. I made my decision. I won't regret it. I have to take care of me now. _

The little voice spoke up again, only gentler this time, consoling. _You are not crying for him, but for the loss of him; for the loss of the Zuko you once knew . . . once loved. _

Mai felt a stirring of panic. She felt her rational, her only defense against the confusion Zuko brought, slipping away. It was giving way to the emotions she held in check. She could not, would not, let them claim her. She gulped a few breaths of air and beat back the feeling. She threw her shoulders back, raised her head and stood tall. Her mother's words rang in her ears, _"Looking the part is half the battle." _

Mai was annoyed again, though this time it was about how she was growing to appreciate her mother. It didn't seem right and it only made her feel small and lost, as if she everything she knew was suddenly thrown out the window.

_I'll feel better after I eat_, she reassured herself_. _

She put her mother and Zuko back on the shelf, subjects to be dealt with later and turned her attention to eating.

Her mood improved after the meal. Deciding that she would rather face a horde of cheery customers than be alone, an open target for her wandering mind, she returned to the flower shop and opened earlier than normal for their afternoon hours.

It wasn't long before the doorbell jingled. She hadn't really expected any customers. People were usually still eating or relaxing, taking a brief break before returning about their business. She welcomed it anyhow and took it as a sign that the day would improve.

Time flew. It was late afternoon. Things were going well, much better than in the morning. There had been a steady flow of customers, but still no sign of Auntie Mura. _Maybe mother has Auntie trapped at one of her functions and she can't break away. _ Mai could clearly picture the vultures dressed in their finery, acting amicably while making a game of disguising snide remarks in polite conversation. _I imagine they keep score. The winner gets to be the target of everyone's disdain the next time around. _

The jingling of the doorbell called her back from her thoughts. A young man, not much older than her, had walked in. He was tall, well dressed, not unattractive, and sporting a frown. Two more customers entered on his heels, a man and a woman of twenty-five or so. They were smiling so wide, Mai wondered how their faces didn't split.

The couple approached her first.

"Hello," said the man said with a smile.

"Hi," replied Mai in her usual monotone. She did not have the flair her aunt had with people or flowers. Her lack of enthusiasm was blatantly obvious. It overshadowed her efforts to sell and provide customer service. However, as the flowers had been selling themselves all day, she didn't bother to muster any sense of shame for not doing her very best in deference for her aunt.

"We'd like to make a change to the order for our wedding," said the woman.

"Your name?"

"It's under Emi," they said in unison. They turned to each other and laughed.

Mai hid her disapproval and browsed through her aunt's order register till she came to the right page.

"Emi," Mai confirmed and looked up. "Your wedding is next month."

"Was," corrected the bride with a giggle. ". . . was next month." She slipped her arm through her counterpart's and anchored herself tightly to him.

"It's been moved up," explained the groom, all the while looking at the bride. "We'd like to change the date to next Friday."

Mai sighed. "Panda lilies are a special order. They have to be imported from the Earth Kingdom. They won't arrive in time."

The pair had not broken their gaze. "You can substitute them with anything you like," he said. "It doesn't matter. All else is the same. Only the date has changed."

"I still can't believe it," the woman cooed. "We'll be married a week from today."

Mai resisted the urge to retch. She quickly jotted down the changes to the order and presented the register to them. "Look over everything and make sure it is correct. Sign here and here."

"Okay. Done," said the man as he put the stylus down. "See? Easy," he told the woman attached to him. "Everything will be perfect. Just are you are perfect." His better half rewarded him with a kiss. Their business concluded, the two practically skipped out of the shop.

Mai shuddered in revulsion. "Ugh!"

"A bit much, weren't they?" called the remaining customer.

Mai thought it best not to answer and stuck to the script. "Can I help you?"

"Um." He approached the counter slowly.

He took a deep breath and looked down at a pressed flower he had pulled from his robes. Mai couldn't identify it; its color faded, its appearance battered and worn. The young man turned it in his hands as if it held the answers to a good many questions, including the one she had just posed. His brows knit in concentration. After another deep breath he looked up and said, "Yeah, I think so. I need flowers."

"What is the occasion?"

"The occasion?"

"Yes. What are they for? Who are they for?"

"Oh," he mumbled and went back to consulting his flower. "It's uh . . . ."

Mai could feel sadness emanate from him. It was the way he carried himself, as if he, like his flower, had seen better days. Whatever his situation, he had trouble focusing.

The pause grew awkward and Mai prompted, "Do you see anything you like?"

"No. Not really."

"How about something the other person likes?"

"No." He shook his head with certainty.

Mai rolled her eyes behind a curtain of bangs. _It's late. I'm tired. I don't care. And just where is Auntie Mura?_

"How about this bunch?" she asked as she pointed to the arrangement she had botched earlier.

He appraised them and said honestly, "They're kind of lopsided."

She bit her cheek. _Let it be. Using knives on customers is frowned upon. It's not good for business. _ "They're four copper bans; a bargain."

"They're orange," he complained.

"I agree, but I have to sell them."

He gave her a weak smile. It faded as quickly as it had appeared. His eyes went back to the pressed flower. "I'm not even sure flowers will help."

"They won't. Not if she has any sense." Mai's eyes went wide, surprised that she had made such a slip.

His expression matched her shock.

There was no way to take the words back, nor was there an easy way to save face, so she owned up to her mistake. "I'm sorry. I was thinking of something else . . . someone else, and I . . . ."

"It's okay," he said as put away the press flower. "You're right. I just . . . I . . . I have to get used to it." He looked pained. "I just don't know how to stop thinking about her."

"I can understand that," she replied softly.

He took the flower out again. His hand closed around it as if to crush it, but stopped. He had made some sort of decision and spoke rapidly. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to bother you with this. I'll take the flowers. Four copper bans. Thank you." Eager to leave, he produced the coins and handed them to her.

Mai put them away, wrapped the flowers for presentation and extended them to him.

He was looking at his shoes again, clearly lost. She found herself wishing she had something to offer, but she hadn't a clue how to erase the pain, or stop the memories from replaying.

He sighed, picked his head up and took the bouquet from her. He departed without another word. The doorbell jingled as it closed behind him.

Mai slouched behind the counter, feeling exhausted and emotionally vulnerable. She dreaded facing any more customers and whatever reasons brought them in. She was really beginning to hate flowers.

Her mind wandered and of course it settled on Zuko. She missed him. She missed the good times. But everyone has a breaking point and she had reached hers. Despite their affection for each other, their relationship had been precarious and at times one-sided.

She accepted that being Fire Lord meant he had little time to spare for her; but he had been absent even when they were together, duty and responsibility forever on his mind. She understood his mercurial moods and his anxiety in the wake of the assassination attempts; it is only paranoia if it is unfounded. She respected his need to work hard, to make amends for the pain his family had inflicted on the world, and to bring honor back to their nation. Yet, he stubbornly insisted on doing it all himself. He had pushed himself forward, neglected his health, and let his spirit take blow after blow without respite. She tried to bring some sort of relief to his overtaxed existence. She asked him to come to her with his worries, to tell her his problems. Perhaps she could help. But he hadn't. Rather, he continued to drift away, the distance between them growing unbearable. Still, she had held out hope that they would get through things together.

She had set aside her loneliness. She had excused his inconsideration. She saw past her needs to his. When the pain swelled in her chest, she had swallowed her sorrow and tried yet again.

She reminded him that he should turn to her. He was not alone; she was there for him.

In the end it had not mattered. There was so much she didn't know, so much he had kept from her. Instead of turning to her, he had sought out the monster that had taken away his mother and had scarred both his face and soul. She had lost her faith in Zuko. He had become a stranger to her and there was nothing more between them.

And yet, the sorrow and confusion continued. Like the young man that had just left the shop, she didn't know what to do about it. Her pain returned full strength. Her soul ached.

_Agni, please. Why can't I let go? Why can't I forget? _

From the back of the shop came her Auntie's voice. "We're here!" It was followed by Tom Tom's cry of "Mai! Mai! Come see! Come see! Fire Lord Zuko!"

Mai froze.

_Zuko? Here? How? Why?_

She stood up rapidly and ran her hands down her clothes, unconsciously working out any wrinkles. She wiped her eyes clear, sniffed and turned to greet them.

Her eyes darted left and right. She saw only her aunt and her brother.

Auntie Mura stepped forward with undisguised concern for her niece. "Mai dear, are you alright?"

Mai simply stared at her. She came to when she felt Tom Tom pulling on her pant leg. He was holding something and trying to get her attention.

"Mai. Here! For you."

Still confused, Mai got down on her knees to be closer to her brother and accepted his offering.

"I made this today! Mommy and Auntie Mura helped. Auntie _made_ mommy help." He laughed.

"Macaroni?" asked Mai softly. "He's not here." The anticipation she felt a moment ago – the silly hope – fled. Her senses left her.

"Uh-huh. It's Fire Lord Zuko. The big kids had them and I wanted to make one for you. Mai? Why are you crying? We wanted to make you happy. Don't cry, Mai. Please don't cry."

But, it was no longer within her power to prevent the tears from falling. She vaguely registered two sets of arms around her, enveloping her in love and protection. And, at the moment, she knew nothing but anguish and her desire to be held by Zuko again.

* * *

**Author's Note: **

Stay tuned. Up next: Zuko and Mai.


End file.
